


for the first time

by jabami



Series: begin again — arranged marriage au [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Fluff, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:08:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27426211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jabami/pseuds/jabami
Summary: one year.a year has passed and he is now married with the heir of culture tech companies, johnny suh. their marriage is a living proof of the powerful and successful alliance of their establishments, holding so much power in the business world.it felt surreal, taeyong believes, now that even after all these times both him and his husband on legalities had treated each other the same way as they used to before all of this has happened.cold and unfamiliar to each other.alternatively, johnny and taeyong were unable to run away from the arranged marriage their parents had decided for them, causing them a lot of pain and trouble. but still, something beautiful bloomed in the end.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Series: begin again — arranged marriage au [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2013916
Comments: 22
Kudos: 232





	for the first time

**Author's Note:**

> here is an arranged marriage fic for johnyong that nobody asked for.
> 
> happy reading!

having himself in an arranged marriage is something taeyong would never imagine ever in his existence. it is the last thing he would want to do, because who would want to marry and be stuck with someone who you don’t truly love?

obviously, no one.

but things happened and as much as he wanted to get out of it, or at least say his opinion about it, his parents were clearly adamant to not even listen to him and value his rights.

to become the heir of neo industries at the age of twenty seven, taeyong was never surprised. rather, he felt crucified.

all he did while growing up was to follow whatever rules his parents would declare. he was always meant to follow. always the one to fulfill and dethrone his father in the near future.

he did everything he could to please his parents. threw his ambition and passion away to become a filial son, thinking that that is the least he could do to give back to his parents.

but for his parents to also have a say on who to marry? that is quite a stretch for taeyong. that is so close to finally filling up his glass of patience and eventually bring a flood in the house.

arranged marriage in this time and day is so old news and clearly not what he wants to end up having. he is an adult, for god’s sake. at least give him a sense of adulthood by letting him fall in love freely and choose the right person for him to marry. do things on his own just this once.

but unfortunately, time and again, his parents’ decisions were as tall as the great wall of china, indestructible and unfazing. they have their own ways for everything. they have their son at the very tip of their fingers and taeyong just feels sick to his very core.

 _one year_.

a year has passed and he is now married with the heir of culture tech companies, johnny suh. their marriage is a living proof of the powerful and successful alliance of their establishments, holding so much power in the business world.

it felt surreal, taeyong believes, now that even after all these times both him and his husband in legalities had treated each other the same way as they used to before all of this had happened.

cold and unfamiliar to each other.

that is how things worked for them. always better that way. always thought it was what’s best for them to do for this is what they never truly wanted.

this is not how taeyong had imagined it to be as a married man. living under the same roof with his husband but with no love. just cold tension between them and dead air.

it is a miserable sight to see if anyone is to witness them treat each other at home. without a care and pure nonchalance, as if that’s how marriage was supposed to work.

but in their case, it is an _arranged_ marriage. so taeyong thinks if anyone was there to watch them, then they could at least understand why it has to end up that way.

other than business related stuff, taeyong has also been a lot interested in culinary. to become a chef was an ultimate dream of his when he was younger, but that little dream of his was easily crushed when his father told him he’s going to become a successful businessman like him. only that and nothing else.

there were times he would imagine how much he would love to cook for his partner in life, but that, too, was impossible to achieve for johnny would always tell him he’s already had dinner with his father or brother whenever he would ask so he could at least try and cook for his husband.

taeyong would sometimes try. yes, he’s tried multiple times before to reach out to his husband, but johnny is a tough man. his shell is a little too thick for taeyong to break open, wishing to finally soften his heart and reach back to him.

because no matter how hopeless this marriage turns out to be, taeyong wants to hold on to the very last thread of hope hanging in the air between them.

taeyong simply wants their marriage to work and treat each other better, because living like this for another year and more, taeyong could easily imagine his sanity leaving him along with his remaining patience.

as a matter of fact, there is a sliver of want that hugs taeyong for a while now.

the want to be loved.

the want to be touched.

sometimes, it is not just the want. but the desire.

the desire for johnny to look him in the eye and tell him he wanted him too. that there is still hope in saving and sailing back the sinking ship.

one of the most interesting things about taeyong and johnny’s relationship is that their best friends are soon to be a married couple too.

soon, as in _today._

jaehyun, the son of dream corporation’s ceo and johnny’s best friend and, sicheng, the son of vision innovation’s ceo and taeyong’s best friend had uttered their vows today to stick together through thick and thin.

many tears have been shed and plenty of loving gazes from the now newly weds had been shared to one another. so fond, smitten, that taeyong can’t help but feel envious of what they have.

the two have always been in love with each other, no more explanation needed to prove their feelings when their eyes are already a testament of what true love is.

now at the reception, every time jaehyun would hold sicheng as if he’s the most precious gem in the world and each loving eye contact they would share, taeyong could hear his glass of a heart cracking slowly, creating another line of flaw on its blemished surface.

they looked so deeply in love, in their own bubble, glowing and beaming with happiness. that despite of every unpleasant feeling that would form inside his chest, taeyong would still bring himself to be happy for his best friend.

dwelling on envy would do him no good. it’s not as if it could fix his marriage. no. what’s best is to wrap himself in the moment full of joy and bliss. because taeyong would do anything just to see his best friend smile every day like the one that’s been painted on his face the whole day.

he trusts jaehyun. from the way he sees it and from sicheng’s stories about him, taeyong is aware of how great jaehyun is and that he would always be there for his best friend.

if only johnny was just like jaehyun. someone so lovable. someone who loves his husband unconditionally.

they are just the total opposite of their best friends who are now dancing on the dance floor, chests so close to each other, happy and laughing. while there they are, few meters apart, sitting across each other.

johnny is so reachable but also not.

he’s currently downing his fourth glass of wine, cheeks slowly appearing with a hint of pink. taeyong cautiously watches him, realizing that his own husband hasn’t spared him at least a glance tonight at the reception.

the knots on his stomach are starting to tighten on their own. is he really not worth his husband’s time, that he exerts no effort to give him any sort of attention?

taeyong could feel the frustration boiling in his guts. he would’ve downed a few glasses of wine too but he can’t bring himself to. he wanted to drink this unpleasant feeling away but if he did, no one would care for his husband who’s now clearly intoxicated. at least a little.

sometimes, taeyong wonders if he’s a martyr.

but that train of thoughts was suddenly cut off when johnny stood and approached him, reaching his hand.

“can i ask my husband for a dance?” johnny asks, displaying a little smile for taeyong.

and well. taeyong is taeyong.

he knew johnny would never initiate a conversation, let alone ask him for a dance when a slow music started to play on the stereo. but it would be a terrible lie to tell if he’d say he didn’t wish to hear it.

taeyong also knew his husband was already influenced with alcohol. while johnny was not even close to being an alcoholic or someone who would turn into a monster when drunk, taeyong still wouldn’t want to take the risk.

it is his best friend’s wedding. no one will ruin it. especially not him or johnny.

so with a trembling hand and a pounding heart, taeyong took johnny’s reaching hand and allow him to be held and be guided on the dance floor.

holding hands is not unfamiliar to their relationship, it is just not a constant thing. this, also, perhaps, the longest time they’ve held each other’s hands.

taeyong feels weird and nervous at the same time, but he managed to stand close to his husband with johnny giving his lower back a firm hold.

“you look wonderful tonight.” johnny whispers, looking straight to his eyes. oh, so this is what it feels like to be looked upon by his husband. to be trapped in those beautiful honey-like eyes, taeyong thinks.

seconds have passed before those words had fully reached him, as if there was a delay in one party. or maybe the music was too loud. or maybe, taeyong had lost a grip on reality for a moment right there and it’s not the soft melodies playing were to be blamed.

taeyong blinks, having a hard time reciprocating the intense gaze there is in his husband’s eyes.

“thanks,” he starts, looking at johnny’s lips and then back to his eyes, “you don’t look bad tonight either.”

if taeyong wasn’t dreaming, he would certainly believe that johnny had squeezed his side a little and that there’s a small smile painted at the corner of his mouth now.

from their side, sicheng is now resting his head on the crook of his husband’s neck while jaehyun still holding him so close, the two of them smiling while watching their best friends share their _first_ dance ever in the history of their marriage.

they hope for it to be a start of something new.

it really was.

a start of something new, that is.

this is the first time they’ve held each other like this, something akin to longing and yearning. there was fire in their eyes, ignited by something unexplainable.

could be a spark of hope. or more.

a year had passed since they tied the knot, but this has been the very first time their tongues danced together in tandem inside their hot mouths, their teeth crashing and clacking, nose bumping, chests so close to each other with no distance to tell them apart.

today, a lot of things had been marked as their first.

taeyong being slammed against the wall while johnny roughly kisses him like there’s no tomorrow? definitely.

johnny losing control, biting down on his husband’s pale skin, and nibbling on taeyong’s lower lip? absolutely a first.

their abode that was once enveloped with nothing but horrible silence and cold atmosphere was now replaced by the combination of the sound of their pleas and moans, also the warmth that radiates them both as though their home was flipped upside down.

it’s not clear what made the change where the wind should blow, but both of them seem to care less. only so immersed on each other’s searing kisses and sensual touches.

“fuck.” johnny cursed once he uncaptured taeyong’s lips to catch his breath.

taeyong took the opportunity to breathe too and then say, “me.”

the moment he connected the dots from their statements, johnny was a little taken aback and for a moment, taeyong had feared that he just ruined everything now. that they are going back to square one and start all over again. be cold and mean to each other agai—

until johnny crashed his lips to taeyong’s once more, allowing taeyong to forget about what he was just about to start dwelling himself with again.

the kiss was truly effective to shut those ideas down, especially now that johnny is squeezing the life out of his ass. taeyong feels triumphant and just genuinely good, that he kind of wants to melt because everything about their current situation is just so hot.

and when johnny meets him halfway from the middle, taeyong releases a delicious, loud obscene noise that johnny gladly swallows. their clothed dicks now rubbing together over and over again, johnny can’t help but grind his hips on taeyong’s.

both of them are now sporting a full hard-on and johnny expertly guides them both inside their bedroom without breaking the kiss. oddly enough, they share the same bed. no one knows why, but they just did.

a little later after they managed to successfully dive on the bed, the suits and ties they wore for the wedding a while ago were now unceremoniously scattered on the carpeted floor.

floor now full of clothes and bodies naked on the bed.

johnny effortlessly covers taeyong’s smaller frame with him looming over. they kiss and kiss and kiss. not quite sure if they’re trying to make up for the time they’ve lost or it’s just difficult for them to be content.

while their mouths kept their business together, johnny finds the time to softly touch his husband’s puckered hole using his index and middle fingers. taeyong undeniably shivers, wrapping his arms around johnny’s neck for support.

it was just the pad of johnny’s fingers drawing circles on his hole and yet taeyong feels he could come at any moment.

“i’m going to come if you keep doing that.” taeyong whines, but his husband responds to him with a smirk and, “isn’t that what’s supposed to happen, baby?”

taeyong blushed. he didn’t see that coming. that just adds on the list of their firsts. johnny has never called him anything else but his birth name and never any kind of endearments. that simple word coming out of johnny’s mouth almost made him reach an orgasm for real.

“ _ah,_ ” he moans, a little louder this time when johnny begins to rub their dicks once again—intentionally—while johnny started rummaging on the nightstand to grab a bottle of lube he kept there, an accompany when he needs to get off sometimes because the last time he made love with taeyong was from their honeymoon.

so with full intent, johnny deliciously grinds their hips together once he managed to fish out the bottle. until he drizzles a copious amount on his hand to cover taeyong’s cock and enticing entrance.

another loud obscene noise spilled over taeyong’s mouth when johnny finally breached his hole with his index finger. the stretch is too painful but also too good, leaving him helpless and begging for another finger to dig inside him.

johnny was nothing but an obedient husband tonight, granting taeyong’s pleas as soon as he hears it. he opens taeyong up so well, that taeyong was left drooling on the pillowcases while slowly bouncing on johnny’s three thick fingers deep down inside him.

the image taeyong is painting right now, beautifully laid before johnny, is just so wonderful. extremely debauched but dangerously ethereal. johnny wanted to admire his husband longer while his fucks him with his fingers, only if taeyong didn’t tell him he’s now ready.

that was the cue johnny was waiting for. the time when taeyong is finally ready to take all of him. so he carefully drags his fingers out and made a few good pumps on his own dick.

then johnny lines the tip of his cock where he believes it belongs. taeyong felt himself arching his back and widening his legs even more from the way how clear it is as day to his walls how fucking _huge_ his husband’s cock is—raw inside him and veins so thick—thinking it could possibly break him into two if johnny would pursue further.

“y-you are so big.” it holds nothing but the truth.

“do you want me to stop?” johnny puts a halt on his movement, concern playing on his facial expression.

taeyong vigorously shakes his head. “n-no. don’t you dare.”

“okay.” johnny whispers, planting a long kiss on taeyong’s lips after. and taeyong magically feels a little better.

johnny really did his best to slide his whole length inside taeyong’s walls little by little so as not to hurt him. and after that cautious attempt, johnny has finally bottomed out. taeyong feels so wonderfully full.

they managed to steal some more kisses before taeyong could tell him to finally move.

the first couple of thrusts were consistently slow and taeyong realized how gentle johnny is with him right now. not that he would physically hurt him before, because that never happened, it just felt like a dream to taeyong how much care johnny has shown him tonight. as if he truly mattered to him.

but as soon as taeyong felt he needed more, that he wanted his husband to go hard on him, johnny was not one to question a request like that.

so he began with pulling his length, leaving the very tip inside, and finally slammed back to where it belongs. that is it. that is what taeyong wants and johnny was able to read him like an open book, with a loud scream of his name, johnny now started a mission.

a mission to hear taeyong screaming his name like that again. so he drills his monster cock between taeyong’s hot, velvety walls with abandon. he fucks taeyong like there’s no tomorrow, allowing their bed to creak and the headboard to hit against the wall.

the way johnny fucks taeyong now is so intense that they could break the bed in half. but taeyong doesn’t care. because every time johnny hits his prostate, he could see stars. and every time johnny moans for him, his heart throbs a little harder in his chest. he never knew johnny was capable of creating those sounds. it is a music to his ears.

and with the combination of all of that, taeyong begins to feel a warmth building on his core. until johnny has pounded on his sweetest spot three more times, taeyong reached his orgasm. his load spurting on his chest.

“ _baby,_ ” johnny breathes close to the crook of taeyong’s neck, “where do you want me?”

taeyong held onto the hair on johnny’s nape, holding him close. “in me, _please._ ”

no more further words needed. only one more hard thrust and johnny’s thick load paints taeyong’s walls. so warm and so full.

johnny softly bites at taeyong’s shoulder as he milks off every drop of his come for taeyong to take, while taeyong somehow went back to himself and was left dazed.

he just had the best sex.

_with his husband._

the next morning, taeyong woke up next to an empty space. the familiar cold on his touch made its comeback, his husband no longer there near his reach.

he must’ve gone to work already since he is usually the one to leave first. johnny is an early riser and always on time for work.

well, taeyong is too. but the ache on his lower back made him groan audibly. last night’s activity was truly intense and taeyong is certain that his knees would betray him today.

from the expanse of his chest and belly, he could see the ridiculous amount of bruises that johnny had painted on him last night. the thread of hope suddenly grows longer this time. taeyong can’t seem to contain his emotions, he could feel his cheeks burning.

  
“congratulations again, jae.” is what johnny chooses to say when his best friend arrived for a meeting with the new project their companies are trying to plan this year.

it is no news how busy they are these past few months, johnny is still a little baffled how jaehyun and sicheng was able to manage to squeeze in their wedding to their hectic schedules.

but then he supposes that is because this is what they’ve always wanted. johnny knew so well how long jaehyun had wanted to finally get married to his boyfriend of five years.

“thanks, man.” jaehyun went for a hug. he literally is glowing. the smile on his face is probably the widest and happiest smile he’s ever seen on jaehyun, and that truly makes him happy. “is there a progress?” he then added once he pulled back from the hug.

“i sure do hope.” johnny supplies, “doyoung had a meeting with mister moon from tcn corp. earlier this morning, i have yet to hear from him if they made the deal.”

unexpectedly, jaehyun snorts. johnny wasn’t sure which part of his statement had caught the other’s attention and caused his best friend to respond to him with that.

“i meant to ask,” jaehyun starts, pocketing his hands, “yours and taeyong’s progress.”

now johnny understood what that knowing look his best friend was giving him. he mimics jaehyun’s gesture and pockets his own hands.

“i mean, at least to me there is.” his voice came out low, far from his usual business voice that is firm and confident. now, he looks so small and uncertain from jaehyun’s eyes. “i won’t give you the details, but we made love last night.”

“ _god_ , i need not to know, john.” jaehyun rolls his eyes. “but i hope it turned out well? i mean, you know, you two have never done it for so long.” jaehyun knows this since johnny confides to him a lot. he knows every secret the other has.

“it was good. amazing even. i’m not sure if it’s because we haven’t done it in a long while or if it’s because of something else.”

“something else?” jaehyun challenges.

johnny shrugs. “i don’t know. what else is there to hope for than real feelings? but i guess it’s just all on me.”

“what makes you say that?”

“we were both intoxicated last night. it could be just because of that why he indulged me.”

jaehyun sighs, if only he could do something to magically fix everything about johnny’s marriage. unfortunately, only johnny and taeyong could make things work for their relationship and no one else. not even him or sicheng.

sure, they could give advices whenever they needed it, but it is still up to them how to handle things between them.

a knock against the door startles them both.

“i apologize for interrupting, mister suh and mister jung,” wendy, johnny’s secretary, speaks, “but the other executives have all arrived.”

johnny nods in acknowledgment and jaehyun pats him on the shoulder. for now, they let their previous conversation to die and finish this very important appointment first. they would probably have that talk some other day again.

  
later that evening, the exhaustion steadily creeps in his body. today was quite hectic, having three meetings with their partners with huge projects in line was a little too much to handle.

he’s glad that today at work ended wonderfully despite the ridiculous amount of paperwork he needed to attend to.

“miss son, thank you for your hard work today.” johnny tells his secretary, he could also see in her eyes how tired she was. “you should go home now too.”

wendy bows deeply. “it is just my job, sir. thank you.”

“by the way, did my husband already left?” johnny was either too busy or too out of focus to fail in noticing where his husband was.

there’s a realization that suddenly etched his secretary’s face when she heard his question.

“oh, mister suh called earlier this morning to inform me that he won’t be able to come at work because of a fever he has acquired.” wendy carefully informs her boss.

johnny blinks. he didn’t know where to start from there, unsure how to respond to wendy’s concerned look.

“right.” he admits, a lie underneath. “i was too busy today it left my mind the current situation of my husband. sorry.” he’s not sure why he’s apologizing. who was it for?

for his secretary who had just relay the message to him? or to himself for failing in attending his husband’s needs? or for taeyong, who probably got sick because of him last night?

johnny can’t stomach the fact that he could be the reason why taeyong is sick right now. he really went too rough on his husband while making love last night, didn’t he?

“you don’t have to apologize, sir. may you have a great night.” wendy bows once more.

maybe he really needs to. he should feel bad for what he did.

“thank you, miss son. you too.”

  
the home johnny goes back to every day is still the same place as it was before once he entered inside tonight. everything that was once there in the atmosphere is still hanging. lingering.

but tonight, johnny comes back home with a container of porridge and a bowl of freshly sliced fruits. the guilt that rushed through his veins earlier is what urged him to visit his favorite family restaurant before driving back home.

this is the least he could for now. there are plethora of things johnny could do for his husband, but for now, this is the best he could do.

while there’s nervousness that lingers at the back of his mind, johnny still opts to call for his husband.

“taeyong?” as soft as he can, afraid to disturb the peace and quite within their abode.

he tries one more time. but poorly fails in another attempt when taeyong never comes out and appears before him or even make a hum of acknowledgement.

so the next thing he decided to do was to advance towards their bedroom, thinking taeyong is there, already asleep. then he knocks, gently and carefully. and when he hears nothing in return, johnny rotates the knob and gingerly opens the door.

there he saw his husband already connected with slumber, just like how he thought in the first place. a soft tuft of silky black hair peaking through the comforter. from there, johnny could see how flushed red taeyong’s cheeks are. he can’t help but feel bad again.

little did he know, his feet are now slowly approaching the peaceful form of his husband on the bed and plants a soft kiss on his forehead. his thumb caresses the top of taeyong’s head and murmurs his sorry.

as much as he wanted to stay and watch his husband sleep for a while, johnny steps backward, opting to place the food he bought in the fridge for tomorrow and wash his exhaustion away from a good bath.

when he was out of taeyong’s range, taeyong flutters his eyes back open. he was far from being asleep.

the truth is, taeyong was just afraid to face johnny. there was this sense of fear that settled in his mind when he heard johnny’s voice calling out for him.

why?

well. he didn’t know. not even a clue.

so if his cheeks have been burning from the fever that took over his body this day, now it is definitely not because of the fever.

the pounding on his chest is so loud he could hear it in his ears. did johnny just kissed him good night?

or, is it his high fever letting him delude himself with what he has been yearning for?

he bit his lower lip to contain his overflowing emotions like a fucking open dam. a smile threatens to curl at the corner of his mouth. _oh god._ taeyong must be having a fever dream. he must be completely out of his mind.

then when he hears johnny emerging out of the attached bathroom inside the master’s bedroom, taeyong wills to dampen his silly thoughts and shut his eyes off again.

slowly, as he wait for the next movement of his husband, he could feel the space beside him being occupied, with johnny’s weight carefully dipping on the mattress.

eventually, they are now both settled next to each other again. taeyong almost flinched when his arm touched johnny’s cold one. it must be from the shower he took minutes ago.

taeyong could survive this. it’s not like they haven’t had this close proximity when in bed before. for god’s sake, they were even tangled last night as one, a _hot_ mess. so sleeping side by side tonight like every other night should no be different.

of course he could do this.

only if johnny didn’t shift on his position, now facing taeyong with a hand pulling him a little closer to his chest. his head is softly cradled by johnny’s big hand.

taeyong still hasn’t opened his eyes yet again but he wanted to burst and evaporate in the air. his breath is hitching. why must johnny be this sweet to him when he was not even close to this for a _year_?

was it because he was sick?

because if that’s the case, then taeyong would definitely be stubborn and try to be sick again just to be taken care of like this by his husband. to be held like this with gentleness, so close to his beating heart.

“feel better soon, baby.” is what johnny murmurs on the crown of taeyong’s head before he drifts to sleep.

taeyong waited for a moment. perhaps a little over fifteen minutes before he utters his good night and then, “thank you, john.”

a week had passed since _the day_ happened. unfortunately, they began to exchange the same treatment they used to give each other again, as if nothing ever happened between them.

as if johnny’s side which taeyong had been wanting to see somehow disappeared again from being cold and busy.

same with work, they smile and acknowledge each other professionally that no one would actually believe they are fucking married to each other.

many who works under johnny and taeyong convinces themselves that their bosses are just not as showy and affectionate in public, that they are both truly professional and highly values their work ethics. but some would rather believe in rumors about their parents arranging their marriage just to empower their businesses even more.

a _rumor_? that is no rumor and johnny or taeyong would never blame them for believing it.

even when sicheng or jaehyun would ask them if there has been any progress with their relationship, they both know it’s best to be honest than give their best friends hope of something that will never truly happen.

taeyong wonders what could’ve gone wrong along the process. why does his husband always have to change and go back to being stoic and uncaring overnight, that he must go back to his old self the next morning after the night he helped taeyong have the best sleep in a long while despite being sick?

frustration and exhaustion boils deep down him. he hates these ugly and unpleasant feelings. what did he do in his previous life to deserve this hell of a relationship?

he wanted to run away from all of it but why do he kept on staying after everything? why can’t he just leave and forget about johnny?

he wonders to himself at the couch in the living room once he plopped his entire frame there.

taeyong entertains the question for longer than intended, desperate to know why he continues to hurt himself this way and act as a fucking martyr?

_answers._

he just wants some answers and clarity.

taeyong is simply tired of denying himself that. and maybe, that could be the sole reason why he was able to confront johnny as soon as he stepped inside their lonely abode once he got back from work.

“what’s wrong with you?” he starts, still sitting on the couch, not even giving johnny a chance to at least remove his tie. “why do you keep playing mind games?”

stunned is an understatement to describe johnny’s expression written all over his face right now. from his point of view, he could see how taeyong’s eyes glisten with tears.

“why would you make me feel as if i mattered to you one day and then nothing the next day?” taeyong continues while johnny tries to find words to say. tears are now beginning to spill from his tired eyes, it’s now or never. “i wanted to understand the meaning behind your gestures but you never allow me to do that, because you’ll go back to your old self as soon as you showed me you cared for me.”

if there’s anything that confuses johnny, this is it. this is the very moment that he can’t comprehend what taeyong’s words had meant but all he knew is that this is the day taeyong finally grows tired of him.

little to no thought, johnny advances, finally making his way in the living room in attempt to get a little closer from taeyong because even though they were just few meters away from each other, he could feel as if they were miles apart.

there are so much more points that taeyong wanted to reach across johnny and johnny can easily see that from the way taeyong found his own footing, standing tall, cheeks damp with tears. so he let taeyong let it all out of his chest.

johnny chooses to listen.

“i didn’t want to believe it at first,” taeyong starts again after catching his breath. “i didn’t want to allow myself to let you in because i knew we would never work. but,”

“it’s been a _year_ , john.” taeyong is crying even harder now. johnny wants to comfort him so bad, wrap him in his embrace only if he wasn’t the reason of this hurt taeyong’s feeling. “that is long enough to want myself to love you.”

the truth is, taeyong had so much trouble along the process of understanding his own feelings. of wanting to admit that maybe— _just maybe_ —he could learn how to love johnny. it was difficult for him to accept the fact that he may have come peace with his fear of acquiring real feelings for johnny, when he knew this could end as one-sided.

on the tenth month of their marriage, taeyong began to see other sides of johnny. such as how great he is with kids, always so genuine and natural whenever he interacts with orphans from the orphanage they sponsors. he’s undeniably handsome too when he smiles, what more if it was for him? johnny is very athletic too, he loves playing badminton with jaehyun and he also speaks english fluently.

from then on, he realized there is so much more to learn about johnny. so much more to love about him. they just didn’t make time for it. did not allow themselves to.

at least find time to get to know one another better, instead, they let their minds and hearts to be clouded with the hurt from the decision of their parents, and then hurt themselves even more along the process.

there are plenty of things to discover about one another, but they were both dumb and stupid to let pain to take over and control them.

“you love me?” is what comes out of johnny, voice trembling. curious and cautious at the same time. “do you really?”

taeyong breathes again, chest heaving and rising, trying to regain his senses. a frown begins to line against his forehead. he didn’t want to repeat his words. he’s embarrassed himself enough tonight.

“i thought you hated the idea of me.” johnny is now looking straight in taeyong’s eyes, his own sight is becoming blurry with tears.

taeyong slowly nods and johnny could almost hear his heart shattering into pieces.

“but that was then.” taeyong admits, because there’s no point in lying now. “we were helpless back then. we couldn’t even run away from our parents. but it’s almost impossible for me to just ignore you forever.” he wipes his tears, now he’s able to witness the way johnny’s tears had rolled on his cheeks.

“i really wanted to know you better, johnny. _god_ ,” bringing the rhythm of his heart in its normal pace is becoming a challenge. “if i still hated you, i would’ve never let you fuck me a week ago. and you’re not gonna believe m-me if i say that i was so happy that night.”

no matter what happens after this, taeyong has already got his heart sown tighter on his chest. if johnny would laugh at him, then so be it. he just couldn’t bear this heavy emotions taking refuge in his chest any longer.

but the next thing taeyong knows is that johnny’s now cradling his tear-stained face and surges forward to capture his lips.

if this was a dream, then taeyong would love to stay in here forever.

but this is reality.

and this is just like the first time. a déjà vu.

their mouths attaching together in a hot mess, so rough that taeyong could taste the blood on his tongue from the way johnny had crashed their lips just now.

taeyong is once again trapped with johnny’s arms now embracing him, so, so tight, allowing him to feel even smaller. but he likes it too much.

in johnny’s haste, he immediately unbuckles his belt and pulls back from the kiss, leaving taeyong confused.

“we need lube and condom. wait for me.”

so that’s what taeyong did. he remained standing until his knees go wobbly at the sight of his husband when he emerged out of their room.

on his way out, johnny had expertly rolled the condom on his length, bouncing against his navel. he’s so huge and taeyong just wants to kneel and worship that monstrous cock. but he could save that for another day because johnny is now unbuckling his own belt and later on shimmies him out of his slacks and underwear in one go.

johnny roughly pounding inside him flashes through taeyong’s mind and he couldn’t wait any longer. he whines, begs for johnny to touch him soon with no hesitation in his voice. not even embarrassed as he uttered those words. he just wants to feel full again.

so johnny works fast, drizzling too much amount of lube against his palm to cover his length and finally, to stretch taeyong well. but before he could do that, he carefully lays taeyong on their big couch and when they’re both comfortable with their positions, johnny later on has his three digits sliding in and out of taeyong.

the sounds taeyong are releasing are so scandalous, they are sure lucky to have a bigger home with neighbors blocks away from them. there is no one else to be bothered no matter how loud taeyong would scream and moan for johnny.

even louder when johnny finally bottomed out. the stretch and the painful drag is already so familiar, but taeyong’s still not accustomed—and perhaps will never be—with his husband’s thick cock.

it’s so hot. everything is so hot. from their open-mouthed kisses, love bites, and johnny senselessly pounding taeyong’s walls. the tiny flicker of hope has now grown bigger, quick like a forest fire.

johnny fucks taeyong with purpose, whispering, “ _mine, mine, mine,_ ” to his husband’s ear. he could finally say it.

tell taeyong his true intentions and raw feelings. “taeyong, _ah_ —” his hot breath ghosting against taeyong’s neck. “i am so _fucking_ in love with you.”

this is not how he had planned this out in his mind. he wanted to confess while having a fancy dinner or as mundane as sitting next to other on the couch. but if he’s going to think about it, this is not entirely a bad idea too.

“have loved you since the day you became the next president of neo industries.” johnny explains, and with each word, he thrusts with a particular hard push. 

that was a month after their wedding, if taeyong serves his memory right. “i was so proud of you.”

that was such a long time ago and taeyong never realized.

both of them were truly the idiots of the year.

“you idiot, come here.” taeyong grabbed johnny’s face and kissed him hard.

taeyong could feel another wave of tears rolling on his cheeks as he closed his eyes while they kiss. not because of sadness and frustration, but happiness this time.

he feels himself floating on cloud nine.

finally.

a little more time for soft kisses and few more hard thrusts, they reached their sweetest orgasms together.

blissful and a dream come true.

  
when they have both come down their highs, now snuggling close to each other, ignoring their sweaty bodies and drying come, johnny sighs in relief.

this is what he had dreamt for so long and now that everything is starting to piece together, one by one, johnny can’t help but lean down again and kiss taeyong. as soft and gentle as he can, while his thumb caresses the warm skin of taeyong’s cheek.

he can even feel the smile on taeyong’s mouth while they kiss. he feels whole again.

after a soft peck on taeyong’s lips, johnny tips his chin up and say, “will you go out with me?”

a blush immediately dusts taeyong’s cheeks. he disguised it with a snort. “but we are already married.” voice shy, but eyes swimming in mirth.

“we started on the wrong foot before, now is our chance to make things right. i really wanted to ask you to become my boyfriend first before i propose again.” johnny brushes his nose on taeyong’s. “so what do you say? will you be down for a date tomorrow?”

taeyong beams a smile at him, almost blinding. and then he nods. “i would love that.”

**Author's Note:**

> hi, there! thank you very much for reading. if you have some thoughts about this fic, please do interact with me through comments. i would love to hear it! kudos, too, would mean a lot to me.


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